It’s absolutely dreadful, deep-freezing really, to try start re-writing a blog after an unannounced radio-silence-for-a-break of over a year. With some run-of-the-mill blog that would be just a matter of finding the hottest new thing that’s related to whatever electronic cat-scratchers you write about, and picking up on that like nothing ever happened. But with Finnish Beauty things aren’t that simple. The related thingamob is my own life and the blog is really just a collection of stories about it. No product reviews, no latest news from the car shows. Just life.
So, I’m thinking there’s one or two ways to go about it. The easy way for me is to just suck it up and start explaining on what’s happening just now, like no break was ever taken, leaving the poor reader wonder things like “who is that?” and “what the hell?”. The other is to start telling stories about the break and explaining what went on there, which means getting to the point where the stories actually get to the present day might take a while. Both have advantages and disadvantages.
It’s the other night, getting quite late, sun has gone down. I’m standing on the shore of Tervasaari with Kat. Enjoying the view.
“This is something I truly love to watch. Half-dark summer skies, pitch black silhouettes of the buildings in front, with a light on the window every here and there. Like stars in the sky. All the ugly parts of Helsinki sort of melt away and even Merihaka manages to look beautiful. I do admit being an urban person – something so very right about seeing things like this. Makes me get all creative.”
There’s a moment of silence. You can feel that something clicks in her mind few moments before the words come out.
“Do you still write that blog of yours?”
I sigh.
“Haven’t for a year. Too much dark stuff happened for me to write about, at least in that format. And after that things have been sort of too legendary. Would be hard to give them a coating that would be even remotely realistic. Even if I told the truth straight up, people wouldn’t believe what I was saying.”
“Do they have to?” Kat’s smiling that warm, knowing smile of her, as always. We’ve spent the evening enjoying bungee jumping, a delicious dinner for two and some sparkling moments to top things off. Been a good night.
“Not really, I guess. People would read some things the way they wanted to, hard to put everything important to words without sounding all wrong.”
“You’ll find a way.”
I smile and nod. Don’t always have to tell everything the way they are, right?
We walk around the island and then head back to the city. A nice night comes to an end eventually. Even if I meet her all too rarely, it’s always a pleasure. Always makes me think about the questions that need answering. Kat bids me farewell and heads home. I enjoy the night air a moment longer and walk home as well. My new home. One of the many things that have changed since last year and last post.. I did the scary thing, got a brand new mortgage and bought a nice flat in the old part of Helsinki. It’s not huge, but it is comfortable. The kitchen will need to be renovated at some point as the previous owner must have been something like a foot shorter than I am. But it’s home and it feels like it, to a level that’s unlike any place I’ve lived in before.
Lights are out. No music playing on the stereo. Means that my (for the lack of a better word) flatmate, Nee, is either asleep or she’s found something interesting for the night and is not at home. After a quick walk through the place, I conclude she’s probably home, just sleeping. I look at the time and agree that I should probably be doing that as well. To be polite, I try my best to stay as quiet as possible when getting a late midnight snack and brushing my teeth.
Fast forward a few hours, to three in the morning. I’m standing on the balcony, watching the stars fall from the sky. It’s been a long but a good day.
“What’s up?” I hear Nee ask from inside. She’s a nice addition to my life. One of those people who share my appreciation of The Legend. And for that reason alone, I will not go into details about who or why Nee is. Nice stories I will save for a later day. Just because I can.
“Thought I was being quiet. Sorry if I woke you up.”
“No worries, mate. Been up for a while, thought I’d go get some late snack from the kitchen and saw the light. Didn’t hear you come in. Is everything ok? What’s up? You look like a kangaroo is eating your dingo.”
Nee can read me perfectly, as always, noticing my moods from minute details. Also, to be honest, that’s probably not exactly what she said, but she has all these weird Aussie expressions that rarely make any sense to me.
“I’m thinking of blogging again. On Finnish Beauty. Writing about The Legend,” I take a Meaningful moment before continuing, “Will mean exposing my life to it again, and you know where you found me last winter.”
“You’ve come a long way from that. And besides that wasn’t you exposing yourself to it. T’was you walling behind too many masks. You enjoying your life and writing about it had nothing to do with that. You know that as well as I do.”
I nod and point up to the pitch-black sky.
“You know there is a meteor shower up there?”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Come take a look.”
We stand there for almost an hour, watching the skies, doing some commentary on our strange lives, me telling about my evening, she telling about hers. Pretty much the same stuff with the same flavor I’d normally be writing about here. A few streaks of light every now and then confirm the presence of the meteor shower.
“Did you really call your blog Finnish Beauty?”
“Yup.”
“So, what will your first post be about?”
“Dunno. Don’t think I’ll start with a legendary story, but something that would be a good way to start explaining what’s been up for the past year. Sort of a meta-commentary thing as a way of saying that I’m back. Probably begin it with someone asking What’s up? or something.”
yeeee!!!! :-)