(Christmas trip 2009, Part 3)
So the typical mistake I make when blogging is that I try to formulate a brilliant post with some sort of a overall theme and structure. Something that arches through the whole post just like some arch-shaped thing that arches. A smart and witty beginning, a middle that builds up the point and an end that summarizes it all in just a couple of sentences. I promise to try and avoid that the best I can this time and just keep rambling what happened at Tampere, leaving you wondering why you spent time reading it and ending the whole thing mid-sentence.
There are some basic needs a man has to fill before he can let his guard down and focus on having fun. It is the evening of Christmas Day, I am sitting in a hotel room at Tampere, and most of those basic needs are well taken care of. There is the room itself (the need for shelter), the restaurant downstairs (the need for food), the sauna (the need for warmth) and my luggage (the need for clothing). The one thing missing is wireless internet access (the need for internet). That’s something that I’ll have to be fixing, stat.
I waltz down to the reception again. It’s only right that if I don’t have internet, the receptionist won’t have a chance to surf the web for latest celebrity gossip either on her work computer.
“Hello there again! I have some more questions… Does your hotel have WLAN?”
“Y…”
“Do I need some username / password -thing to access it?”
“Wel…”
“Is there something I need to…”
“Here, take this,” she cuts me off this time, “it’s all you need.”
She smiles and hands me a piece of paper with all the info I need.
Damn, she’s good.
So I make it like a weasel and find myself on the net only a couple of seconds later. I check the local websites to see if anything might be happening at Tampere tonight. No, still nothing. I log on to my IM program see if any of my friends from Tampere are online. Nope. They’re surprisingly smart and thus nowhere near here today. Or the internet for that matter. Damn normal people.
I complain about the cold to someone via IM, he asks what on Earth am I doing at Tampere anyways and why on Earth am I online at a hotel when I should be doing something. I am not sure how to answer, so I claim I’m here to have fun and just waiting for my hair to dry before heading out. Technically true, but not really. There is a hair-dryer in the room. But it’s an excuse to stay indoors in the fuzzyness instead of dying from hypothermia by walking out the door. Things start dawning on me, slowly.. What am I doing here that I couldn’t have done at home? I lean back and think about it while channel surfing for a moment. Japanese anime on Nelonen, news on BBC, some sports on some sport channel.
I have a pact to uphold. Go out there, find adventure. Not just lounge about. I suit up, take the elevator downstairs and return to my source of information on all things Tampere.
“Hi!”
I admit, the cheerful attitude of hers is contageous
“Hiya. You had that list of places that are open?”
“Yes, it’s somewhere here. What would you like to do? Eat, drink, dance?”
“No idea. Pretty much open for anything, as I really don’t know what I’m doing here. What can you tell me about those places?” I’m not really giving her any opportunity to spend her evening at work in peace and quiet. She’ll have to earn those holiday bonuses.
And oh boy, she’s earned every penny. After a very long conversation, I have a map in my hands, with the most important bars and nightclubs of Tampere marked on it. And I know their style and what sort of people goes where, when and why. We somehow figure out that London pub or Henry’s will be my bar of choice for the beginning of the evening and then branch out from there. I thank her and walk out. My testicles respond to the temperature by hiding. Yeah, still freezing out here. Henry’s is closer and would be the sane choice, so of course I walk the extra block and go to London. On the way there I almost slip and break my neck three times.
And it’s closed.
I am shocked. Was the receptionist wrong?
I stagger back to Henry’s – it’s closed as well. Something’s off. I look at the time, and to my surprise it’s not nine, but eight.
Oops.
So, I have an hour to spare. My first instinct is of course to go back and annoy the receptionist a bit longer, but I choose against it. It’s not about conforming into my typical patterns, this time. The air is cold, so I don’t want to stay outside any more than absolutely necessary. I look around and find a restaurant-type place nearby. For some reason, I start talking about the weather with the bartender and the discussion then turns to Finnish movies and how there hasn’t been any quality in them for years.
There is a very special place in Hell somewhere.
Tucked away behind the lakes of fire and disembowelment chambers so that normal people who get tortured for eternity can’t even see it. I don’t have the slightest clue to what horrible sins one must commit to end up in there, but it’s a big room with nothing but a gigantic screen in it. And you’re tied in front of it, and they play Finnish military farces on that big screen, non-stop. For all eternity. And you have to watch. These movies are a unique art-form in the sense that they are funny as long as you’re too young to understand the jokes. Once you grow up enough to get it, you’re too old for them. There is really no other explanation than them being some form of Hellish design.
We talk about Uuno Turhapuro and Vääpeli Körmy for a while, I get something light to eat, read the newspaper and then it’s time to get back on track with the adventuring. Henry’s is still empty and I don’t want to be alone for a minute longer, so I walk back towards London. This time I actually slip on the way, but sadly don’t break anything, so this story doesn’t turn into a medical drama with hot nurses and Vicodin-addicted doctors. Just me, at Tampere.
There is quite many people at London when I get there. A duo of surprisingly trendy girls is sitting in the corner and four guys are dancing to Dr. Alban on the dance floor without their shirts. I go get myself a drink and decide to
I’ll continue with the story after New Year’s.